About Mike


Grandma’s Invitation (Priceless)

Dear Family,

I’m not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday.

Dinner is at 2:00.
Not 2:15.
Not 2:05.
Two. 2:00

Arrive late and you get what’s left over.

Last year, that moron Michael fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house. This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.

Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot. You don’t arrive at someone’s house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove. Honest to God, I thought you might have learned after two wives – date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.

Now, the house rules are slightly different this year because I have decided that 47% of you don’t know how to take care of nice things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I’ll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.

House Rules:

1.. The University of Oklahoma no longer plays Nebraska. The television stays off during the meal.

2.. The “no cans for kids” rule still stands. We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two. Parents can fill a child’s cup when it is empty. All of the cups have names on them and I’ll be paying close attention to refills.

3.. Chloe, last year we were at Trudy’s house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save yourself some time, honey. You’ve never been a good cook and you shouldn’t bring something that wiggles more than you do. Buy something from the bakery.

4.. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact of life. Your children can eat healthy when they’re home. At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it.

5.. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That’s nothing new. Your being a vegetarian doesn’t change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it. That’s why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy, look at me. I’ve outlived almost everyone I know.

6.. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.

7. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car.

8.. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.

9. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I have nice things and I don’t put them away just because company is coming over. Mary, watch your kids and I’ll watch my things.

10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can live with that. Can you?

11. Words mean things. I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don’t need to bring anything means you don’t need to bring anything. And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really, this doesn’t have to be difficult.

12. Dominos and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch. That was true when you were kids and it’s true now that you have kids

13. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas. Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.

In memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be filled with
beer. Drink until it is gone. I prefer wine anyway. But one from each
family needs to be the designated driver.

I really mean all of the above.

Love You, Grandma.

This Is What Happens to Your Brain When You Don’t Exercise


by Dacy Knight

I’m getting back on my treadmill first thing in the morning!!!

When we skip our workouts, we typically feel guilty about the physical ramifications—the effect missing a class might have on our muscles the next time we get back into it, the goals we didn’t meet in our training plan, the number of calories we could have burned. What we don’t often consider are the less obvious repercussions of forgoing exercising—like how it affects our brain.
A recent study sheds light on just that—how suddenly refraining from exercise impacts your brain—and the results are alarming (and enough to serve as an impetus to get you to the gym). The research team had the participants, all seasoned athletes over 50, commit to being completely sedentary for 10 days. At the end of the period, the participants’ brains were scanned to analyze any changes brought about by their newfound couch potato lifestyle. What they found was that resting for that week and a half slowed regional cerebral blood flow in eight different brain regions. Most striking is that blood flow slowed to both left and right hippocampus, a region crucial for the formation, storage, and retrieval of memory.
Derek Beres, author of Whole Motion, writes on Big Think that the findings mean that “even if you’re in peak physical form and you stop exercising for less than two weeks, your brain will register significant negative effects and could be already a few steps down the road to decreased memory function.” He did also note that the break from exercise did not diminish cognitive function but asks what might happen if the duration were longer—”what if you stopped exercising for 10 months? Ten years?” Though limited in scope (the study rounded up just 12 individuals), the study’s findings are a certainly a persuasive power the next time you feel the urge to collapse into your couch instead of lace up your running shoes.
Are these finding enough to persuade you to head to the gym or your fitness class the next time you feel like being a couch potato? Let us know what you think.

More Great Economic News!


New Home Sales Rise.

Sales of new U.S. single-family homes unexpectedly (emphasis mine – GOC) rose in October, scaling their highest level in 10 years amid robust demand across the country, offering a boost to the housing market.

The Commerce Department said on Monday new home sales increased 6.2 percent to a seasonally adjusted annual rate of 685,000 units last month. That was the highest level since October 2007. September’s sales pace was revised down to 645,000 units from the previously reported 667,000 units.

There’s that word again: unexpectedly. Remember, back during the Obama reign all of the bad economic news was “unexpected”. We constantly heard from the Fake News Media about “recovery summers” that “unexpectedly” didn’t happen or “unexpected” low economic growth. The Fake News Media even tried to put a good face on it by telling people who couldn’t afford vacations because of the poor economy to have “staycations”. They just couldn’t believe that the socialist policies of the Obamessiah weren’t working.

Now they can’t believe that the economy under the racist blowhard Trump is actually going great guns so they try to tell us that all the good news is “unexpected” just like Paul Krugman, economist for ENRON, told us the stock market would never recover from election day. Wrong again Paulie. Who woulda ever thunk that less regulation would make the economy take off? Who woulda ever thunk that capitalism worked better than socialism?

When Obumbler was in charge their excuse for a bad quarter was a storm. Under Trump therre were three hurricanes that hit and economic growth was over 3%. Unexpectedly.

The economy is doing far better than under Oblunder and the stock market keeps setting records. Checked out your 401-K lately? The only thing keeping Trump from positive approval ratings is the fake Russian collusion investigation and the constant fake news coming from the Fake News Media. Piegate? GMAFB! Can you believe whether or not Sarah Sanders baked a pecan pie for her family is news? The White House Press Corps does.

Not only do we have the worst political class in history we also have the worst news media in the history of this country.


SOURCE: Grouchy Old Cripple 

Matt Lauer Accused Of Sexting NBC Intern And Staffers



Matt Lauer was fired from NBC Wednesday morning for sexual misconduct.

The story dominated the Drudge Report with a searing headline.

CNN reported:

Matt Lauer was fired from NBC News on Wednesday after an employee filed a complaint about “inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace,” the network announced.

CNN also reported that NBC News chairman Andrew Lack said in a memo to staff there is reason to believe this is not an isolated incident.

The flood gates opened Wednesday afternoon as multiple women accused Lauer of sexual harassment and describe in detail his shocking, lewd behavior while he was in his office.

Variety Magazine conducted a two month investigation, speaking to dozens of current and former NBC staffers. Variety also exclusively spoke to three women who identified themselves as victims of sexual harassment by Lauer

What Matt Lauer did to these women is utterly shocking. Via Variety:

As the co-host of NBC’s “Today,” Matt Lauer once gave a colleague a sex toy as a present. It included an explicit note about how he wanted to use it on her, which left her mortified.

On another day, he summoned a different female employee to his office, and then dropped his pants, showing her his penis. After the employee declined to do anything, visibly shaken, he reprimanded her for not engaging in a sexual act.

Several women also told Variety that they complained about Matt Lauer’s lewd behavior and it fell on deaf ears.

Matt Lauer is a married man but that didn’t stop him from chasing women.

Lauer’s womanizing was known around the office, reports Variety. He was paranoid about hooking up with celebrities or other high profile women in New York because he knew it would leak to the press, so he fished off the company pier in order to keep the situation under control.

Despite being married, Lauer was fixated on women, especially their bodies and looks, according to more than 10 accounts from current and former employees. He was known for making lewd comments verbally or over text messages. He once made a suggestive reference to a colleague’s performance in bed and compared it to how she was able to complete her job, according to witnesses to the exchange. For Lauer, work and sex were intertwined.

Variety also reported that Matt Lauer had considerable editorial clout over which stories would ultimately air on “Today” and would frequently dismiss stories about cheating husbands.

Here we are again with a powerful man who sexually harassed women while everyone sat back and did nothing for years.

It was also reported that an NBC employee leaked the infamous Billy Bush tape of Donald Trump.

Via The Daily Mail:

Multiple sources tell Page Six that a staffer at Today was responsible for sending the tape to the Washington Post back in October, after the individual grew tired of waiting for Access Hollywood to air an edited version of the footage.

NBC reportedly wanted the tape out there because off their disdain for Trump, while the Today employee who allegedly leaked the audio wanted Bush out of a job because Matt Lauer disliked the host.

‘Pocahontas’ Controversy: New England Native American Leader Calls Warren’s Claims ‘Insult’





President Trump resurrected the controversy over his nickname for Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) when he referred to her as “Pocahontas” during a Navajo Code Talker ceremony.

Tucker Carlson spoke to Neesu Wushuwunoag, or “Two Hawks”, about the controversy and his own quest to reclaim land now owned by Brown University.

Two Hawks, of the Aboriginal Nations of America, said the Rhode Island school stole the land from his ancestors.

But, he said that a previous interview with Carlson got the school’s attention – yet not enough to get his tribe their land back.

Carlson said Warren claimed to be Native American to land a six-figure job at Harvard University, but has not been able to prove such ancestry.

The mainstream media accused Trump of using a “racial slur” when calling Warren “Pocahontas” – the name of a 17th Century Powhatan woman who later was reported to have married pioneer John Rolfe.

Two Hawks said he often struggles with people stereotyping what Natives of the eastern woodlands are “supposed to look like” and found it “insulting” that Warren used the ethnicity for her own gain.

Carlson noted Warren has to-date refused to take an ancestry test.

V.A. Shiva Ayyadurai, a Republican-turned-Independent vying for Warren’s senate seat in 2018, said he sent her a DNA test for her birthday this past Summer.



Ayyadurai, a computer scientist, recently posted what appeared to be a screenshot of Warren’s refusal to accept the package and its subsequent return-to-sender.