Words Or Phrases With Two Meanings

 

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male…. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male….. Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND;

He said…. I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said…. You wear pants don’t you?

He said….. Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said… That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the
sofa and fart!

He said….. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ….Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said….. Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said…..Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

Parkland, Florida School Massacre Panel Recommends Allowing Willing And Trained Teachers To Be Armed

If Aaron Feis had been armed, he could have saved lives.

Via Huff Po:

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) — The panel investigating the Florida high school massacre recommended Wednesday that teachers who volunteer and undergo extensive background checks and training be allowed to carry concealed guns on campus to stop future shootings.

The Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School Public Safety Commission voted 13-1 to recommend the Legislature allow the arming of teachers, saying it’s not enough to have one or two police officers or armed guards on campus. Florida law adopted after the Feb. 14 shooting that left 17 dead allows districts to arm non-teaching staff members such as principals, librarians and custodians — 13 of the 67 districts do, mostly in rural parts of the state.

Pinellas County Sheriff Bob Gualtieri, the commission’s chairman, pushed the measure at the Tallahassee meeting. He said most deaths in school shootings happen within the first few minutes, before officers on and off campus can respond. He said suspect Nikolas Cruz stopped to reload his AR-15 semi-automatic rifle five times, all of which would have been opportunities for an armed teacher to shoot him.

Keep reading…

‘I took a path of darkness instead of light’: President’s former lawyer Michael Cohen tearfully lays the blame for his fraud and lies on ‘blind loyalty’ to cover up the ‘dirty deeds’ of Trump, as he is jailed for THREE YEARS

  • Cohen wept in federal court in Manhattan as he faced sentencing on nine criminal charges
  • He must report to jail in upstate New York on March 6 
  • A tearful Cohen pushed back at President Trump for calling him ‘weak’ 
  • His lawyer repeatedly invoked Trump while arguing against a long sentence
  • He went to court Wednesday morning accompanied by his wife and children
  • The Southern District of New York in a court filing said he deserved a ‘substantial’ sentence and proposed he face up to five years in jail
  • Special Counsel Mueller’s team noted his cooperation with the Russia probe
  • He pleaded guilty to making false statements to Congress about his 2016 pursuit of a Trump tower deal in Moscow and contacts with Russians about it 
  • Also pleaded guilty to campaign finance and bank fraud related to $130,000 payment to porn star Stormy Daniels 
  • Testified he was ‘directed’ by Donald Trump to make payment to Daniels
  • Cohen once said he would ‘take a bullet’ for Trump but ended up cooperating facing jail time and massive legal fees
  • Story Daniels lawyer Michael Avenatti showed up for sentencing and said Cohen ‘deserves every day’ of his sentence

THE PICTURE ABOVE WAS POSTED BY PAPA MIKE…….

 

A federal judge on Thursday sentenced longtime Donald Trump lawyer Michael Cohen to three years in jail for a series of crimes to which he pleaded guilty, saying his cooperation with the Russia probe ‘does not wipe the slate clean.’

As an attorney, Cohen ‘should have known better,’ said the judge, following dramatic courtroom arguments that featured repeated references to President Trump – including his attacks on Cohen as ‘weak’ and a ‘rat’ and Cohen’s own explanation of what it took to provide information against him.

Cohen shed tears in the courtroom as he sought leniency and reflected on decisions in his life that he now regrets – including his own ‘blind loyalty’ to Trump, a man who helped make him rich and later ‘directed’ him to engage in one of the crimes he pleaded guilty to committing.

Cohen won’t have to report to jail until March 6, and could still get a further discount to his time if he cooperates.

READ AND WATCH VIDEOS OF THIS ENTIRE ARTICLE HERE 

 

California Liberals Considering Taxing Text Messages

 

IN THEIR CONSTANT QUEST TO TAX EVERYTHING!!!!

Via Mercury News:

Texting your sweetheart that you’re on your way home? California may soon charge you for that.

This is no LOL matter, critics say.

State regulators have been ginning up a scheme to charge a fee for text messaging on mobile phones to help support programs that make phone service accessible to the poor. The wireless industry and business groups have been working to defeat the proposal, now scheduled for a vote next month by the California Public Utilities Commission.

“It’s a dumb idea,” said Jim Wunderman, president of the Bay Area Council business-sponsored advocacy group. “This is how conversations take place in this day and age, and it’s almost like saying there should be a tax on the conversations we have.”

It’s unclear how much individual consumers would be asked to pay their wireless carrier for texting services under the proposal. But it likely would be billed as a flat surcharge per customer — one of those irksome fees at the bottom of your wireless bill — not a fee per text.

Keep reading…

Suspect In 1987 Bombing That Targeted American Soldiers Leads Migrant Group Demanding Entry To US

But yeah, no danger with people like this behind the effort.

Via Daily Caller:

A suspect in a 1987 bombing that wounded six American soldiers in Honduras is leading a group of migrants demanding entry into the United States.

Alfonso Guerrero Ulloa organized a march of approximately 100 migrants to the U.S. Consulate in Tijuana, Mexico, on Tuesday, The San Diego Union-Tribune reported. Ulloa delivered a letter to the consulate on behalf of the migrants, asking for either entry into the U.S. or a payment of $50,000 per person.

“It may seem like a lot of money to you,” Ulloa told the Union-Tribune. “But it is a small sum compared to everything the United States has stolen from Honduras.”

Ulloa has lived in Mexico since 1987 after fleeing Honduras in the wake of a bombing that wounded six soldiers. Ulloa was suspected of planting a bomb in a Chinese restaurant, but received asylum from Mexico, whose government described the suspected terrorist as a “freedom fighter.”

Keep reading…

What’s a Seven Letter Word for ‘Fat and Bitter Old Lady’

HILDABEAST”
And speaking of bitter, shambling, drunken, low-class, delusional embarrassments, Hillary Clinton displayed the world famous grace and charm that she is known for by making a puerile, childish scene at the funeral of President George H.W. Bush by a half-hearted greeting to the current First Lady, and refusal to even acknowledge the presence of the President of the United States. The contrast between Melania and that barely bipedal turd-in-a-girdle by every metric of character, charm and of course beauty could not be more stark. Melania dodged a bullet; I wouldn’t shake hands with Hillary. Not where that hand has been.

It’s also easy to see from this image who has the balls in the Obama Family by the way they both sit…..but she can at least fake grace and respect when need be

Democrats Can’t Find $5 Billion for Border Wall But Gifted Iranian Regime with $5.7 Billion and Pallet of Cash

President Trump met with Democratic leaders Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer Tuesday in the White House.

During the explosive press conference President Trump repeatedly interrupted the Democrat leaders as they attempted to downplay the seriousness of the open border and as they downplayed the much-needed border wall.

The Democrat leaders promised not to fund $5 billion for the much needed border wall with Mexico.
Pelosi and Schumer said it was “a waste of money.”

These are the same Democrats who under Barack Obama gifted the Iranian regime with $5.7 billion and a pallet of cash.

Obama sent the Khamenei regime a pallet of unmarked bills in the dead of night in exchange for US prisoners.

San Francisco Creates World’s First Transgender District

Maybe pay more attention to cleaning up the city?

Via Daily Wire:

The literal s***hole that is San Francisco has yet to clean up its rampant drug and homeless problem, but at least city officials have taken the time to assemble the first legally recognized transgender district in the world.

According to a lengthy article in the Daily Beast, San Francisco’s Tenderloin district now serves as home to the Compton’s Transgender Cultural District, located near the historic all-night diner Compton’s Cafeteria (now transitional housing), where the famous 1966 riot occurred between transgenders and police.

Keep reading…

Google Approves App For Muslims To Report People Who Commit Blasphemy…

 

Wow.

Via BLP:

A new Android app has launched with the focus of allowing Muslims to report individuals who commit blasphemy, or insult Islam.

No, this is not a joke. The app, “Smart Pakem”, which launched in Indonesia last month at the request of the Indonesian government, will allow users and government officials to uphold Sharia law and target and report people who hold “misguided” beliefs in violation of Islamic law, which forbids insults of Islam, insults against the Prophet Mohammed, or the recognition of any other religion besides Islam.

Indonesia’s criminal code prohibits blasphemy, which is defined as “the act or offense of speaking sacrilegiously about God or sacred things”.

The Code’s Article 156(a) targets those who deliberately, in public, “express feelings of hostility, hatred, or contempt against religion”. The penalty for violating Article 156(a) of Indonesia’s criminal code is a maximum of five years imprisonment.

Rajan Anandan, who serves as the VP of Google in south-east Asia, has not shown any resistance to the app, which is available in the Google app store.

The National Secular Society (NSS) has since written to Anadan requesting the Google not stock the app in the app store, arguing that the app will have negative consequences for religious minorities and will further minimize freedom of expression.

Keep reading…

Chicago Dems Get Caught Red-Handed Committing Election Fraud

Despicable. The Chicago way!!!

Via Chicago Tribune:

The history of the little guy being squashed by massive Chicago political clout at election time is just too long to print without weeping.

But the story for today is so amazing that some Chicago election officials have never seen the like.

“No one can remember anything approaching this,” said an election official.

It’s overkill of epic proportions, like using a sledgehammer to kill a gnat, or firing off a nuclear weapon to kill a sparrow. A Southwest Side David vs. Goliath story.

The David is David Krupa, 19, a freshman at DePaul University who drives a forklift part time. He’s not a political powerhouse. He’s just a conservative Southwest Side teenager studying political science and economics who got it in his head to run for alderman in a race that pits him against the most powerful ward organization in Chicago.

The Goliath is the 13th Ward Democratic Organization run by House Speaker Michael J. Madigan, aka Boss Madigan, the most powerful politician in the state. Boss Madigan has long hand-picked his aldermen. He likes them loyal and quiet. The current silent alderman of the 13th Ward is Marty Quinn.

Keep reading…

“Old Coots” Set Up Table At Farmer’s Market to Give Free Life Advice

 

A group of retired friends from Salt Lake City, Utah used to meet every Saturday at a friend’s deli, where they’d drink coffee and shoot the breeze. It was a nice way to spend retirement… until they all outlived their respective material. Realizing they’d already heard all of each others’ stories and knew everything interesting about each other already, deli owner Tony Caputo decided to get a card table and rent a tent at the farmer’s market across the street so the group could give out free advice to strangers instead of listening to each other.

Caputo wasn’t kidding. He and his friends set up the “Old Coots Giving Advice” tent, complete with an official banner and the slogan, “It’s probably bad advice, but it’s free.” It was all pretty much a joke at first. A way for the group to liven up their Saturdays. But then something funny happened: people started showing up, and with some serious questions.

And the Old Coots — comprised of Gus Wheeler, Lou Borgenicht, Carol Sisco, Chris Vanocur, Tony Caputo and John Lesnan — give them real, thoughtful answers.

SOURCE: HERE

Continue reading ““Old Coots” Set Up Table At Farmer’s Market to Give Free Life Advice”

9th Circuit Blocks Trump’s Effort To Stop False Asylum Claims By Illegal Aliens

 

I’m NOT a Trump fan by any means, but this is total BS!! No judge, with the exception of “justices” on the Supreme Court, can Legislate from the bench!……Papa Mike

 

 

The United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit has jurisdiction over the district courts in the following districts:
  • District of Alaska.
  • District of Arizona.
  • Central District of California.
  • Eastern District of California.
  • Northern District of California.
  • Southern District of California.
  • District of Hawaii.

Claims for asylum have more than tripled despite the fact that most don’t qualify. But they know they will then be released into the U.S. and can just disappear.

Via Daily Caller:

The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a temporary restraining order against a Trump administration policy that denies asylum to illegal aliens.

The 2-1 decision is the latest setback the 9th Circuit has rendered to President Donald Trump’s immigration agenda.

“Just as we may not, as we are often reminded, ‘legislate from the bench,’ neither may the executive legislate from the oval office,” Judge Jay Bybee wrote for the majority. Former President George W. Bush appointed Bybee to the bench, and the judge has a conservative reputation.

Read the 9th Circuit’s decision

U.S. District Court Judge Jon Tigar entered an injunction against President Donald Trump’s new asylum rules on Nov. 19.

Keep reading…